Adios Pittsburgh

So my broadband internet connection decided to stop working today. And I gotta say, it’s torture without it. I didn’t realize what an addiction broadband internet is. But it really is. I mean, earlier today, I had such a headache due to the withdrawal from it. And then I started having visions of Internet Explorer windows flying around the room. So I went to the computer and hit the little E icon in the corner just so I could see a browser window so I could stop hyperventilating. And then while I did that, I swear the cable modem reached out and bit me. My watch still hurts from that one. But after that it gets really strange, cause then I went for a run. And after THAT, I wrote this:

Once upon a time, there was an IE browser named Chompy. Chompy was really busy trying to fulfill the requests of others that he had no time for himself. And as such, he was really lonely, so he decided to go play in the mud one day when no one was looking. Little did Chompy know that there were lots of worms in the mud. Pretty soon Chompy was infested with them. Chompy quickly went back to work behind his window when he realized the requests were piling up. Problem is, he didn’t wash up first, so soon the window was infested with worms too. Ironically enough, though, both Chompy and the window grew to love the worms. Their clients didn’t so much though, so when a Firefox browser named Stewie came along, they flocked to it because it was free of worm infestations. And then the worms ate Pittsburgh. The end.

I really have no idea what that story means, but I think I’ll start using this Firefox, even though it sounds kinda inhumane.

So now I’m typing this up in Word because I can’t get on the internet to actually type it in my blog. And then I have to put it on a disk and take it to work so I can post it tomorrow. Oy, the madness! I feel like I’m living in the dark ages!

Valentine's Day

So I was going to throw in a huge rant about Valentine's Day, but then I realized that everyone did that. And I hate doing something that everyone else did. Not to say that if you did write something about Valentine's Day that it's bad, but if I wrote one now, I think I'd feel like I'd have to go take a shower. And that'd be quite difficult seeing as how I'm at work right now. Regardless, I feel quite good about how my Valentine's Day went. I woke up, went to work, went to orchestra, went home, read some wrestling news, and went to bed. Beautiful. Did I mention I love being single? No? Consider it mentioned.

Alright, I think I promised a story or something. And I think I'm going to actually choose a setting for this one. I'm thinking we'll go with a Monday night at TD Waterhouse arena. Not just any Monday night though. A Monday night when the WWE is in town doing a taping for Monday Night Raw.

Ya know, scratch that. I have no idea what I'd write a wrestling story about. Unless... No, that wouldn't be good. Wait a minute... What the heck am I doing? I'm trying to plan out a story before I write it! That's totally not my style. I need to just write. Yikes. That was almost a disaster...

Okay, so this one Wednesday afternoon, this guy named Home was practicing his mad soccer skillz in his parents' bedroom on the 2nd floor. Suddenly, Johnny Depp sprung out of the closet and stabbed the soccer ball with a toothpick. As the ball slowly deflated, Depp and Home locked arms and started skipping around the room while they sang a Hungarian Waltz together. Eventually they tripped and fell out the window onto a large plate full of yogurt. They were kinda hurting after that two-story fall. Actually, let's just say they died. The end.

Wow. Note to self: Don't write stories on only 3.5 hours of sleep. That was just scary.

Okay I'm done. Have a wonderful 15th of February!

Mac n Cheese boxes

So I swear that boxes of Kraft Macaroni and Cheese have gotten smaller. Cause back in college I totally would make a box and not be able to finish it all, so I'd have the rest the next day or something. But I've had mac n cheese about three times in the last two weeks and each time I've eaten the entire box in one sitting. What's the deal?? I'm not getting any fatter, so I figure they must be putting less in each box. That's gotta be it. I'm definitely not eating more. Nope.

I went to church tonight to get the ashes thing, cause I do that every year and it'd be weird to not get the ashes. I have no idea what the message was about though. Of course, that's probably cause it was in spanish. See, I wasn't able to make it to the english Mass cause of work and small group and cause I didn't even realize it was Ash Wednesday until I something on Google News about it. Anyway, something really weird happened after church. I was driving along to small group when I realized that I was thinking in spanish. I had no idea what my thoughts meant, but they were in spanish. I wonder if that's something like speaking in tongues. Probably not. But then I started wondering why my thoughts were in spanish, and I came to the conclusion that it probably was related to how after orchestra rehearsal I start thinking in classical music, which is always a good time. Ever argue in classical music? Let me tell ya, it's quite a sight...

Alright Family Guy is on, which means I'm out... One of these times I'm going to write a story here instead of ranting... Maybe... WHEN BIRDS FLY!!!!

My first step towards becoming a raving drunk...

So I bought alcohol for the first time ever today. It only took me two and a half years of being legal age to accomplish that feat. And no, I did not actually drink said purchased alcohol. Baby steps, you know. My hatred of alcohol lasted for years, and it will take years for me to get past what alcohol did to me... Oh the pain and torture that it put me through... I was so ashamed of my dad...

*Cue Flashback Music*

I was seven years old. Or maybe six. Actually I have no idea how old I was. I just know that it was before the Maus IGA grocery store in downtown Amery became the Village Pizzeria. And that was many years ago, long before the Information Superhighway made blogging popular and I got sucked into the blogging fad like a particle of stray kitty litter getting sucked into the new Eureka 410AT vacuum cleaner. Regardless, my family was shopping at said IGA grocery store. My parents purchased, among other things, beer. Everything was going so well when it happened. We were exiting the store, beer and groceries in hand, when my dad dropped the case of beer. It fell to the floor and burst apart like marshmallows getting.... uhhh... er.... ummm... well, getting burst apart like a case of beer falling to the floor. There was suddenly beer and glass everywhere. I was so ashamed... And what did my dad do? He laughed! That's when I knew that alcohol had taken my father and there was no more hope for him. I hated alcohol ever since that fateful day...

*End flashback music*

Darn it all! They put an ad in the middle of my flashback! I knew there was a reason I avoided blogs until now. *Sigh* I can't go back now though. I'm in that vacuum of blogness, and there's no escape until the bag of that vacuum gets emptied by the more hip people of the future and I get thrown out along with other fads of the past such as the neopet and those really cool wrist snap things.

So there was this commercial during the Super Bowl about a guy that was rich, but not smooth and another guy that was smooth, but not rich. But apparently the beer they were selling in said commercial was both rich and smooth (just another reason to hate alcohol... it has two legs up on me when it comes to getting women). Anyway, this prompted a little discussion between myself and poor Matthew, who was forced to listen to my thoughts on this. So I figure I'll never be rich, which I'm okay with. But I don't think I'm smooth either, and I don't know if I really want to be smooth. And I'm not exactly convinced that girls really are into the "smooth" guys anyway. At least, probably not the girls that I'd be interested in. But maybe I'm wrong. Maybe girls do like smooth guys. But I don't think that I really like smooth guys that much. The "smooth" thing really kinda just seems fake and an invention of guys that are trying to impress girls or something. And that's so not my style. I gotta show a girl the worst side of me first (which is probably my pro wrestling fanaticism, or I'll just call her fat or something...), and if she's still hanging around after that, then I know that she probably can handle the rest of my personality. I just don't want to try to impress someone. I'd rather just be myself. And if being myself scares her off, then it's probably better if she gets scared off right away rather than 6 months into a 7 month marriage. So no "smooth"ness for me. I think if I were going to even remotely try to be "smooth" with a girl, I would probably do something like pretend to fail at trying to be "smooth." Cause that's just more my style. I can make fun of myself and "smooth"ness all in one shot. Of course, now that I've said that I'm going to pretend to fail at trying to be "smooth," I can't actually do that, because everyone in the world will know that I'm going to do that since this is now on the Information Superhighway of blogness.

Okay I'm done. Welcome to my blog. Maybe I'll post again sometime.