My first step towards becoming a raving drunk...
So I bought alcohol for the first time ever today. It only took me two and a half years of being legal age to accomplish that feat. And no, I did not actually drink said purchased alcohol. Baby steps, you know. My hatred of alcohol lasted for years, and it will take years for me to get past what alcohol did to me... Oh the pain and torture that it put me through... I was so ashamed of my dad...
*Cue Flashback Music*
I was seven years old. Or maybe six. Actually I have no idea how old I was. I just know that it was before the Maus IGA grocery store in downtown Amery became the Village Pizzeria. And that was many years ago, long before the Information Superhighway made blogging popular and I got sucked into the blogging fad like a particle of stray kitty litter getting sucked into the new Eureka 410AT vacuum cleaner. Regardless, my family was shopping at said IGA grocery store. My parents purchased, among other things, beer. Everything was going so well when it happened. We were exiting the store, beer and groceries in hand, when my dad dropped the case of beer. It fell to the floor and burst apart like marshmallows getting.... uhhh... er.... ummm... well, getting burst apart like a case of beer falling to the floor. There was suddenly beer and glass everywhere. I was so ashamed... And what did my dad do? He laughed! That's when I knew that alcohol had taken my father and there was no more hope for him. I hated alcohol ever since that fateful day...
*End flashback music*
Darn it all! They put an ad in the middle of my flashback! I knew there was a reason I avoided blogs until now. *Sigh* I can't go back now though. I'm in that vacuum of blogness, and there's no escape until the bag of that vacuum gets emptied by the more hip people of the future and I get thrown out along with other fads of the past such as the neopet and those really cool wrist snap things.
So there was this commercial during the Super Bowl about a guy that was rich, but not smooth and another guy that was smooth, but not rich. But apparently the beer they were selling in said commercial was both rich and smooth (just another reason to hate alcohol... it has two legs up on me when it comes to getting women). Anyway, this prompted a little discussion between myself and poor Matthew, who was forced to listen to my thoughts on this. So I figure I'll never be rich, which I'm okay with. But I don't think I'm smooth either, and I don't know if I really want to be smooth. And I'm not exactly convinced that girls really are into the "smooth" guys anyway. At least, probably not the girls that I'd be interested in. But maybe I'm wrong. Maybe girls do like smooth guys. But I don't think that I really like smooth guys that much. The "smooth" thing really kinda just seems fake and an invention of guys that are trying to impress girls or something. And that's so not my style. I gotta show a girl the worst side of me first (which is probably my pro wrestling fanaticism, or I'll just call her fat or something...), and if she's still hanging around after that, then I know that she probably can handle the rest of my personality. I just don't want to try to impress someone. I'd rather just be myself. And if being myself scares her off, then it's probably better if she gets scared off right away rather than 6 months into a 7 month marriage. So no "smooth"ness for me. I think if I were going to even remotely try to be "smooth" with a girl, I would probably do something like pretend to fail at trying to be "smooth." Cause that's just more my style. I can make fun of myself and "smooth"ness all in one shot. Of course, now that I've said that I'm going to pretend to fail at trying to be "smooth," I can't actually do that, because everyone in the world will know that I'm going to do that since this is now on the Information Superhighway of blogness.
Okay I'm done. Welcome to my blog. Maybe I'll post again sometime.
*Cue Flashback Music*
I was seven years old. Or maybe six. Actually I have no idea how old I was. I just know that it was before the Maus IGA grocery store in downtown Amery became the Village Pizzeria. And that was many years ago, long before the Information Superhighway made blogging popular and I got sucked into the blogging fad like a particle of stray kitty litter getting sucked into the new Eureka 410AT vacuum cleaner. Regardless, my family was shopping at said IGA grocery store. My parents purchased, among other things, beer. Everything was going so well when it happened. We were exiting the store, beer and groceries in hand, when my dad dropped the case of beer. It fell to the floor and burst apart like marshmallows getting.... uhhh... er.... ummm... well, getting burst apart like a case of beer falling to the floor. There was suddenly beer and glass everywhere. I was so ashamed... And what did my dad do? He laughed! That's when I knew that alcohol had taken my father and there was no more hope for him. I hated alcohol ever since that fateful day...
*End flashback music*
Darn it all! They put an ad in the middle of my flashback! I knew there was a reason I avoided blogs until now. *Sigh* I can't go back now though. I'm in that vacuum of blogness, and there's no escape until the bag of that vacuum gets emptied by the more hip people of the future and I get thrown out along with other fads of the past such as the neopet and those really cool wrist snap things.
So there was this commercial during the Super Bowl about a guy that was rich, but not smooth and another guy that was smooth, but not rich. But apparently the beer they were selling in said commercial was both rich and smooth (just another reason to hate alcohol... it has two legs up on me when it comes to getting women). Anyway, this prompted a little discussion between myself and poor Matthew, who was forced to listen to my thoughts on this. So I figure I'll never be rich, which I'm okay with. But I don't think I'm smooth either, and I don't know if I really want to be smooth. And I'm not exactly convinced that girls really are into the "smooth" guys anyway. At least, probably not the girls that I'd be interested in. But maybe I'm wrong. Maybe girls do like smooth guys. But I don't think that I really like smooth guys that much. The "smooth" thing really kinda just seems fake and an invention of guys that are trying to impress girls or something. And that's so not my style. I gotta show a girl the worst side of me first (which is probably my pro wrestling fanaticism, or I'll just call her fat or something...), and if she's still hanging around after that, then I know that she probably can handle the rest of my personality. I just don't want to try to impress someone. I'd rather just be myself. And if being myself scares her off, then it's probably better if she gets scared off right away rather than 6 months into a 7 month marriage. So no "smooth"ness for me. I think if I were going to even remotely try to be "smooth" with a girl, I would probably do something like pretend to fail at trying to be "smooth." Cause that's just more my style. I can make fun of myself and "smooth"ness all in one shot. Of course, now that I've said that I'm going to pretend to fail at trying to be "smooth," I can't actually do that, because everyone in the world will know that I'm going to do that since this is now on the Information Superhighway of blogness.
Okay I'm done. Welcome to my blog. Maybe I'll post again sometime.
posted by jbirdjavi at 4:12 PM
1 Comments:
smooth Justin...real smooth :)
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