Justin's Favorite Fairy Tale

Alright, so for some reason it's 4:30am and I'm still pretty awake. Unfortunately I just finished watching One Fine Day in its entirety and I'm kinda ashamed of myself for that one. So I think I need to regain some of my anti-chick-flick manliness, and this is the easiest way I know how to do that:

Once upon a time, there was a Princess that got kidnapped by this ugly dragon thing and the dragon took her to his castle and locked her up in one of the towers. The Princess called for help from her tower, but no one was able to rescue her, for the dragon was much too powerful. Finally, one day, along came a handsome Prince that kinda looked like George Clooney (or maybe even Jim Halpert). He knew how to defeat the dragon. He walked up to the castle and confronted the dragon with his flashy smile, knowing that no one can resist him in his scruffy handsomeness when he's dressed up wearing a tie, all while holding a baby and playing a guitar at the same time. He got his best accent ready, and said "God Bless--" right as the dragon bit his head off. Blood gushed everywhere. It was absolutely disgusting. So after that incident, the King decided that the situation was hopeless, and just nuked the castle, vaporizing both the dragon and the Princess. She was kinda whiny anyway. The end.

Ahh. Much better.

All About Eggs

[19:15] sweet: then pick a topic
[19:16] jbirdjavi: humpty dumpty
[19:16] sweet: ok
[19:16] sweet: he sat on a wall
[19:17] jbirdjavi: yeah?
[19:17] jbirdjavi: well i heard he fell
[19:17] sweet: oh no are u serious
[19:18] jbirdjavi: yeah
[19:18] jbirdjavi: dead serious
[19:18] sweet: not cool
[19:18] sweet: what happened?
[19:18] sweet: is he hurt?
[19:19] jbirdjavi: well the king's horses and the king's men came to the scene right away
[19:19] sweet: and?
[19:19] sweet: i didn't know we had a king
[19:19] jbirdjavi: me either
[19:19] jbirdjavi: maybe it was the president's horses and men
[19:20] jbirdjavi: well, either way, they couldn't put him back together again
[19:20] sweet: oh know
[19:20] sweet: was there a service for him?
[19:21] jbirdjavi: well i think after they failed, they brought him to an actual doctor that fixed him up again
[19:21] sweet: oh ok well that's good
[19:21] sweet: phew
[19:22] jbirdjavi: yeah well it was kinda scary when the horses were trying to put him together
[19:22] sweet: oh yeah?
[19:22] jbirdjavi: yeah, i think they did more harm than good
[19:22] sweet: how so
[19:23] jbirdjavi: well they were just kicking the pieces around
[19:23] sweet: oh i see yeah that doesn't work
[19:23] jbirdjavi: not so much

Jim

Jim was walking along the path when suddenly he noticed that an orange was sitting in the middle of the path in front of him. Jim stopped and stared at the orange. After a few minutes, the orange rolled slightly to the left and said in a loud voice, "YOU MAY PASS." Jim was slightly taken aback, as he had never before been told by an orange that he could pass. Jim took a step back and pondered what to do. After a few more minutes, Jim stepped forward, bent down, and picked up the orange. Since he happened to have an orange peeler in his back pocket, he took it out, peeled the orange, and ate it. Jim continued walking on the path until he got to his destination. Two days later, Jim realized that he had eaten a talking orange, which is a fairly unique phenomenon. Jim felt remorse. Two months later, Jim started the Talking Orange Relief Society, which was dedicated to the preservation and protection of talking oranges around the world. You, too, can help. Just jump on Facebook and join the Talking Orange Relief Society group. For every person that joins, Jim will donate three flip-flops to the needy oranges of Western Utah. You too, can save a talking orange.

Bathroom Song

In my new house, I'll be sharing a bathroom with one of my roommates (when he moves in). It's one of those bathrooms that has a doorway to each bedroom. So I this morning I was using the bathroom, and trying to figure out a way that we could let each other know we're using the bathroom without locking the door (because if we use the door locking technique, eventually one of us is going to forget to unlock the door after we're done and that could lead to disaster, especially if it happens in the middle of the night). So I decided that a good solution would be to require us to sing if we're using the bathroom so that the other person could hear that it's already occupied. And then I came up with a song that has been going through my head for about an hour now:

I'm in the bathroom pooping,
I'm in the bathroom pooping,
I'm in the bathroom pooping,
Pooping away.

Just in case you were wondering, no you can't unread this.

Nate

Many evenings, my roommate comes into my room and screams at me, "Pick up your underwear off the floor!" And then I scream "NO!" back at him and throw the underwear in his face. Then we hold hands and dance the macarena together while eating Kraft Macaroni and Cheese Dinner.

Sand Everywhere.
Me standing in the middle of the Sand.

Why am I here?
How did I get here?

Two Eagles arrive.

One carries a shovel.
It drops it at my feet.
It departs.

The other beckons to me.
It wants me to climb on its back.
It offers to take me away.
But offers no guarantee I won't return here.
And gives no answers to the questions.

Why am I here?
How did I get here?

I pick up the shovel.
The second Eagle leaves.
I start to dig.
Looking for answers.

Why am I here?
How did I get here?

In the Desert.